LOVE LETTER XYZ 3/3

RE(pair)

• My history with •ode

Transitioning into coding wasn't solely about secrecy, although initially, that was my primary focus. It became a quest for metonymic signifiers and metaphors, which are symbols that represent something else by association or proximity rather than by direct resemblance or metaphorical comparison. They are elements that stand in for larger concepts or ideas based on contextual relationships. Throughout my life, a significant portion of my physical energy has been consumed by pain and discomfort. It's akin to the fundamental energy we're all endowed with from birth: intellectual, emotional, and physical. At age 11, after enduring four years of uncertainty, I received a diagnosis of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, abbreviated as RA. This acronym, less emotionally laden, evokes a sense of confrontation, akin to facing the Egyptian sun God—the embodiment of one of the most debilitating diseases in modern times. This affliction stems from autoimmune dysfunction and, although gold for many ancient people was thought of as the mineral of the sun, intriguingly, it shares a treatment method an anciebt Japanese tradition of repairing called Kintsukuroi and have since hundreds of years been used  to re(PAIR) fractured ceramic ‘bodies,’

As a 14-year-old, the same body was sexually assaulted, something that immediately became a secret and something not be remembered. In both cases, I experienced an objectification of my body, first from within and subsequently from without by people circling the surroundings of my family and with whom I was supposed to be safe with. This had disastrous physical and psychological consequences. Consequently, I have spent a large amount of my time REpairing, through a range of different symbolic and holistic actions.

 Both experiences left my mind in the same state as when we tear a piece of paper into a thousand pieces and scatter it with the four winds. It was here that I first - both theoretically and practically - resorted to the idea of attempting to bring some of the disparate and opposing elements together, a sort of refoundationing. To tear is something that can be done with dry materials, a tear is also a drop of water exuded by the body through the eyes either by wind or emotions. It leaves one to wonder about the ancient process of making a third out of something oppositional, like alchemy, trying to make gold from the leaden.

As a springboard, all my artistic and philosophical studies take this one performative approach, to perspectify opposites in such a way that the categories merge and even for a short moment creates a third, a movement of sorts, so that sprouting the new within the structure of the impossible (read categorical) old, provides an opportunity for the vitality of life to prove itself otherwise.

To make a 55 year long story, short, it is all about the immunesystem. Each fragment, with tiny little vibrating sensors sticking their little necks out… 

• Communication

The interaction between the body and mind creates a dynamic and creative tension, where each little tentacle constantly moves in different directions - I think of siff in shallow waters. Through art's symbolic and metaphorical potential, I've explored this interplay, challenging the common notion that only actual aesthetic representations of physical or mental wounds are epistemologically feasible. Instead, I suggest that delving into the deeper layers of the non-language of our minds offer valuable insights that transcend the apparently superficial view on aesthetics and contribute to a broader understanding of these wounds.

We are born in the era of plasticity, in apparently many shapes and forms, yet we have inner and outer structures which are repeated. However, at a subjective level, each of us has access to working with the area of the matter, connecting the dots which relate subjectively to our chemical disposition. We know that the mind is plastic and changes throughout life, that the matter we perceive around us is in fact no matter, has been knowledge since the ancient Greeks, and that in the meeting between opposing ideas, materials and phenomena, the dialectical and fluid meeting between Y (visuality - body) and Z (philosophy - time) is shaped, and a third dimension is created as in a Venn diagram. In my research, I aim to cultivate an aesthetic and ethical comprehension of the body as both a scientific object and a deeply subjective (personal) entity. This includes examining how the individual body's own processes intersect with our emotional and psychological responses, particularly when experiencing and managing duress.

I see it as my vocation to use these artistic braces that the meeting with the sun god has imposed on my life, in a way that reflects the necessity of a human - mental, psychological and physical - sustainable practice of aesthetic, which is why alongside that of conventional medicine, I use the artistic, philosophical and psychoanalytical tools I have subsumed my knowledge under. In addition to exploring the connection between the identities of the body and the mind, in both its aesthetic and ethical dimensions, processes are discovered that allow for a perspective on the above problems in art. 

• The  ALPHA•BET of Suturation

On Sundays, traditionally associated with rest and reflection, I dedicate my time to rest and for spontaneous thoughts to arise. As the day of the god, it holds a special significance for me. During one such Sunday, I turned my attention to my ongoing project involving French Knots, intricate thread on paper works that I've been developing. Simultaneously, I engaged in intellectual stimulation by listening to lectures on Lacanian psychoanalytic theory and practice.

Initially, my French Knots works were conceived as experiments in creating a three-dimensional analogy to the LOVE LETTER xyz ink dot works. Inspired by the encoding systems of Morse Code and Braille, I sought to imbue my art with layers of meaning and symbolism embedded within the performative action of the visual work.

However, feedback from observers suggested that these works resembled female genitalia prompted a deeper exploration of their significance. This led me to contemplate the impact of these creations in the context of language, trauma and the concept of the castration complex in femininity as posited by Lacanian theory.

The term "suture," commonly associated with medical procedures, holds rich metaphorical connotations in my artistic practice. Beyond its literal definition as "a stitch holding together the edges of a wound," it serves as a metaphor for the act of stitching together disparate materials, elements or ideas. In employing thousands of repetitions within my works, I evoke a sense of fullness and completeness, despite inhabiting spaces reminiscent of lack or spaces devoid of context through the action of suturing. This juxtaposition of fullness and lack, embodied in the concept of suturation, reflects a fundamental dialectic inherent in human existence: the struggle to articulate oneself in the face of silence or restriction imposed by bodily experiences or societal norms.

 

©️ Camilla Howalt